You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
