i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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