i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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