you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
