It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
