what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
