yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
