I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
