i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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