question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
