I like to think it a success when the cops are called
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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