So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
