At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
