I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
