Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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