my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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