Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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