garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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