The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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