good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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