You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
