every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
