I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
