It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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