he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
