Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
