so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
