Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
