You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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