Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
