is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
