Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
