Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
