Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
