My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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