The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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