That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
