New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
