From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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