I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
