one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
vagina is talking i cant
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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