my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
