Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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