Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
