Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
