my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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