what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
3pm strippers are depressing
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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