I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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