i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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