dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this boner is exhausting
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
