nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
